This American Resident Likes German Men & Will Illegally Move There for Them

I understand the current status of the German people, & the multifarious illegal immigrants. Americans call that a Monday.  

No offense to my American brethren, but I’ve had enough of your & dining at In & Out Burger, Starbucks frappuccinos, & cocaine. You guys just don’t do it for me anymore. I need a change of boys and scenery. Yes sir. I’m moving on to greener pastures. Bavarian ones. Here’s why:

  1. Germans Have No Sense Of Humor–  My potential German husband or boyfriend will take care of the bills and make sure our rent is being paid on time. A German won’t understand the meaning of laughter or fun. “Was ist das?” For him, fun is talking to his accountant Ulrich. The only way to get a German to laugh is to show him the American education system, or the Presidential candidates of 2016. This means my humor will be a great asset to them, I can teach them how to be funny. giphy-6
  2. Germans Have Great Healthcare– In America we go to Hospitals to die. Even with Obamacare, we’re royally fucked. In Germany, I’m pretty sure I can call off of work for accidentally stapling my finger to the desk. God Bless Angela Merkel. (Please take me in) (Please). giphy-1
  3. Their Birth Rate is Going Down– Momma’s COMING BABY!  Apparently, they’re too busy with mediocre hobbies such as innovative technology, and medicine bla bla bla. That’s what I’ll be there for.  I’m Latina; sneeze on me, I’ll get pregnant. giphy-3
  4. Most Germans Are Tall– I’m short as the come. Blame it on the lack of Schnitzel that I wasn’t fed as a child or the fact that my parents didn’t put Lowenbrau in my baby bottle. For whatever reason, I need to counter balance my height deficiency with a German man. My future children will thank me. giphy-5
  5. Germans Free The Nipple – It seems that Germans have no problem flopping titties out and waving their white sausages everywhere. It could be for the sake of breastfeeding the master race or just for a good tan (they’re extremely white from what I’ve seen). They believe in being very liberal with their bodies. I’ve been raised by American culture. We don’t do that. It’s extremely frowned upon, and very déclassé . We make sex tapes instead. I need guidance, teach me?giphy (8).gif

Any German men up for swapping Visas? Green cards? Call me. Email me. FINDME.  Bis bald!


4 thoughts on “This American Resident Likes German Men & Will Illegally Move There for Them

      1. I just re-read your post. It’s still hilarious 🙂
        When (not if) you come over, make sure to tell me! I live close to the Bavarian border. Just keep your hands off my 6 ft tall husband. There are younger and taller ones anyways *rofl*
        Do you know about FKK beaches? You go there for swimming, but there it is frown upon to wear a piece of cloth – exept maybe socks and sandals. You’d love that ^^


      2. Omg yes! I’ll actually be visiting in June 🙂 I land in Frankfurt but will be trying to see Bavaria. HAHAHAH!! I knew it! I will do my best to be German and wear sandals but I highly doubt I can haha. Please shoot me an email so we can stay in touch 😎 I would love to meet you when I arrive! And don’t worry I will be after the young ones but mostly the beer 😂😂😂😂!


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