Reasons Why Gay People Rule the World

Hey guys, It’s Silvia.  -My weekend was pretty dope.

I’m in school today on a Saturday, yes. I have a lot of upkeep in the homework department to do (UGH).  The adult life, no quiero?  I have to superglue my ass to this chair and start (right after I write this post of course).  I had the best time last night. It was boo-boo’s (a friend’s) Birthday last night and we went all out- ALL OUT. We celebrated it the way the Gay’s do it best, with food, fun, alcohol, dance, and phallic-y junk food. We started our mission, in Korea town Manhattan. Delicious fruit saki and chicken teriyaki (gasp) for me while the gays ate healthy sushi, some brave enough to eat the rest of my food because hell yeah it was that good betch!

Then, we went to a gay bar and the party really started.  They brought out delicious caloric-  will regret you in the morning drinks. The upbeat fist pumping- ass grinding music played and we all had massive shoulder game.  Don’t you know what that is? It’s pretty intense actually. If you are lucky and gifted enough, you will possess the capability of  holding yourself up, a drink in one hand, goldfish snacks in the other while you sit down and proceed to move to the beat of the song aggressively.  Hoping you don’t drop your drink or goldfish snack into your friend’s shirt or worse, the floor (what a waste).

I must say some shoulder game I had. Pfffft.  I observed my gays, and thought “lets give this a go”. Although my booboos looked superb, I  looked like I was suffering from a small but not life threatening seizure. Truly a disappointing moment in my life, but I have come to terms with it today.

The venue was exquisite.  Let me paint a picture for you. I enjoyed the beautiful photographs that were framed in the bathroom. Full of fit, naked women. I’m sure this is heaven for my lesbians out there. I, however,  after scrolling through all of those beautiful bodies felt a tad insecure, probably because I was there sweaty after the dance, and in the most vulnerable position, on a toilet.  As I sat there,  looking at the naked models pose while I peed, I wondered for a moment. How I’ll ever -if ever look like that?  I thought to myself “This is bullshit, this is photoshop” (shut up Silvia; many were 80’s models btw) Since I downed the K-town food, saki, cupcake, alcohol and the late breakfast after the party I was planning on having later? I had to lie to myself a little ya know? Meh, oh wells 😉

This is what I mean about the gays. How do they do it? Have you noticed their bodies are sexy AF? It’s like in their code. They are all fit, ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THEM?? Ok, maybe not all but MOST. After that contemplation in the bathroom, I slapped on some lip gloss for no reason at all and proceeded to dance with my gays. In the tea light lit club I danced alone because my gays were busy grinding with each other.  Luckily I had some girlfriends who danced alone with me too, it was cool. It was cool. After a while, I eased myself into the ottoman chairs. Sipping my dirty drink, I observed some of my friends sitting PERFECT.  With their six packs sipping their drinks. Is it a kind of blueprint? I commend them. It’s such hard work to be fit. I can’t imagine. I can only dream.

Anyway, I also learned that they make life fun. They make life exciting. I love the way they are so supportive, in whatever you do. For example, you want to drink yourself out of a liver? They will be your cheerleaders. You want to start a bar fight and rip your shirt open, titties everywhere? They’ll help you with the backstrap to unhinge your knockers out. Do you want to break up with your boyfriend because he’s a f&$% boy with a great personality? They’ll find you a new boyfriend in seconds. I think we need more people like that in life. Positivity spreads incredibly fast; it felt like I was suffocating in the best way possible. I love people that make me feel this way. Love you betchesss.


As of now, swollen a bit more broke than last week and three pounds later, I have no regrets. I made some new dope ass friends, who are going to come over when I host game night and it’s going to be epic. One other thing, they know exactly where they are going, even if they aren’t there yet. I find this charming quality very admirable. I need structure in my life. I’m a hot mess… just kidding * sigh* making you proud – mom….

So I’ll be going back to my work now, and no more partying for me these next few weeks, I have to get ready for my exams, and that summer body, (momma didn’t raise a quitter). Hope your weekend was as epic as mine, I finally have more Facebook friends. I  can die happy.

***Drops Mic.

-Silvia Campos


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